i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
