got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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