my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
