if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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