You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
