Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
