I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she looked like the before picture.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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