Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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