I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
