the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize