let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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