uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
