I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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