I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
