If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize