Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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