I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
