Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize