DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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