Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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