dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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