Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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