It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
