i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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