Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
