We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
