what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize