It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize