Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
