i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
