wakey wakey hands off snakey
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
