ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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