if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
