I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
