I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
