i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
