Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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