Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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