THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
