I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
