remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
