She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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