Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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