Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
