i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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