My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
