trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
