She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
