Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
