I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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