Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
