I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
