Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The power of my boobs compel you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
