the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
