I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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