I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
