I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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