What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
