i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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