It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
