I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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