dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
