So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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