Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
