Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize