Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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