worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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