Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
