i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
