I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
